In 2017, I got to know that the person I was in a relationship with for over a year had been cheating on me. It wasn’t just once or twice but on multiple occasions. I always had the feeling that she was but if I’d try to confront her, she’d twist and turn my words, use them against me and convince me that I wasn’t a good enough boyfriend. She’d challenge my trust in her and I’d always be at a loss for words. The gaslighting and damage from my experience took a toll on me at several mental and emotional levels. I wondered why she went through all the trouble of lying and breaking me down as a human being when she could have just walked away. I wondered what the need was to destroy me if the relationship didn’t serve a purpose and all she wanted was other men. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know everything. I began talking to people I knew she slept with and the horrible truths I uncovered made me want to destroy her. She had been telling people that I was the one emotionally abusing her, that I was over-protective, didn’t give her space and made her life miserable when it was the other way around. She had freedom. She had time. That’s the reason why she could come and go as she pleased while stomping the spine of my emotions. I wanted to pull the flesh off her delicate skin. More so, I wanted to destroy her from every angle imaginable. I won’t lie, given the opportunity, I’d drag her face through the dirt she belongs in, but I feel a little differently now. I won’t say I’ve forgiven her or completely let go but I’ve stopped looking for her in every person I meet. I’ve stopped looking for answers as to how and why. I’ve stopped blaming myself. I’ve stopped pondering over what ifs and buts. I know that every answer I receive will point at inadequacies on both our parts. I know I will find more hatred and pain with each incident or person associated with her betrayal that I address. I know that the more I dig, the more I’ll become like her. So, I’ve stopped asking. I’ve stopped thinking because honestly, the less I know the better.
This artwork was inspired from my experience of probably the worst mistake I made and the best life lesson I could have ever hoped for.
The Void Of Nothingness 