Kuchen Ohne Eier, Bitte!

People often crowded around me on my birthday with smiles on their face as they proceeded to shake my hand, hug me and wish me a “happy birthday!” As years passed by, I wondered, what exactly was so “happy” about birthdays? What was its significance? Why was one day in particular treated as something so special? I tried to understand it but never could. It was just like any other day. Why then was this day so overrated? Why was it so hyped? I just didn’t get it.

Some viewed this day as a step towards their grave while there were others who stood with megaphones and party-poppers, declaring just how happy they were to celebrate the day they were born on. Both the perceptions were so flawed and loathsome at the same time. For starters, those who viewed it as ‘a step towards their grave’ failed to realize that death is an uncertain entity that is unbiased and unprejudiced. It can sweep you off your feet anytime, anywhere. Your mortality doesn’t depend on your age but rather on your circumstances and your choices. Those who celebrated their birth once a year were delusional, short-sighted fools.

“Being born” could happen at any given time, even years after being flushed out of the womb. Your perceptions change every day, your morals and your values vacillate precariously as well. There is no guarantee that you will remain the same person you are today for years to come. People change with every experience or their circumstances force them to change. Change is inevitable. You are a new person every day. Holding onto one day in particular to celebrate your “birth” is meaningless if you fully understand the aforementioned facts.

Be grateful for every living, breathing moment of your life and stop counting your age. It does not matter. Time is relative. Putting a number on your age will only limit your own growth and zest for life. You are as old as you choose to be. I realized this a long time ago. I was dead the moment I was thrown out of my mother’s womb. It was only when I found darkness, or rather when darkness found me within the vast void of my conscience, that I was truly born… the only moment when I truly felt alive. I wandered in all that darkness for years, stumbling, falling and crawling till I found my core. When I found my core, that’s when I was reborn. That’s when I realized the true value of my being.

Bacon Pastry

It oozed out of me,
like puss from a festered wound.
It was wrapped around me,
so tight, so thick.

It kept growing,
the more I tried to control it.
I was sure,
it would consume me.

It kept building up,
like fungus on stale bread.
It engulfed me,
like moss on a wall.

I tried to fight it,
but my efforts weren’t enough.
In the end, I succumbed,
too much was never enough.

I couldn’t move,
yet it didn’t leave me.
It just piled on,
like corpses in an epidemic.

No one understood,
they were deaf to my silent voice.
I was always alone,
like the boy who cried wolf.

It covered me like a blanket,
cushions full of fat.
Nothing could help me,
not even a concrete plan.

In the end,
it was only my own fault.
For all that I consumed,
consumed me after all.

Eden Lost

We both walked through Eden,
barefoot and careless.
We loved all that was ours,
though we were really blind.
Blind, like Madame Justice,
but did we even know justice?
Back then we didn’t know a thing,
except for the way our hands met.

We roamed through lush gardens,
as thick blades of grass soothed our feet,
the wind would greet us,
and the rain hugged us like a mother,
after a long day apart.
We had all that we needed.
We enjoyed all that we drank,
and relished all that  we ate.
It was put to our mouth,
like birds feeding their offspring.

Everything we could feel was ours.
The passionate kiss of changing seasons,
the desire to swim into the silver lining,
the exhilarating rush of blood that pumped our veins,
every time our lips would meet,
like night would meet the day.
It was because of the gods and their blessings,
that we came to find each other,
time and time again.

I sometimes wonder what went wrong,
for you were lured so easily.
The serpent latched his eyes on you,
and you fell for his wicked trickery.
If only you had looked within,
and not bit the forbidden fruit,
for I had to eat it too,
to witness your wretched truth.

Our own desires betrayed us,
even though we had everything and more.
We were banished from paradise,
to separate ends of Earth we had to go.
After what you had done,
nothing could repair the rift.
Like broken pieces of porcelain,
our sacred bond was torn to bits.

I spent my days wandering in the cold,
while the serpent had you in his mesmerizing charm.
I searched for unearthly answers,
even the gods lifted their arms.
I never saw Eden again,
only it’s beautiful memories haunted my mind.
For in those blissful reminiscences,
I harbored feelings that were divine.

Fimbulvetr

It was a cold winter day. Another snow storm was coming in from the western mountains. The entire region had been dressed in white for three years now. It seemed like the prelude to Ragnarök. Clans had begun fighting over resources, brothers killed brothers, violence and turmoil plagued the streets. Nothing was safe. Those who saw it coming ran to the shores and left their homes and memories behind. Traditional family names collapsed like delicate snowflakes that disappeared with the wind. People took to cannibalism while looting and raping became common. Men who wore the crown of reason soon became devoid of it. They threw their better reasoning and moral logic to the dogs like bones after supper and embraced their primordial instincts to survive at any cost. There was complete chaos. The entire population of the region was reduced to half. Their world, their culture, their hopes and dreams for a better future were all about to end. Even the gods turned their backs on them. They were doomed. Only a few managed to find refuge from the ongoing madness but the price they paid to be secure had left them completely broken.

In the forest of Hoddmímis holt, a man stumbled upon a small hut built in between giant tree roots. He barely had any clothing on and the snow storm was drawing closer. The forest would protect him but to what extent? Frostbitten and cold he opened the door to find a woman with her back turned against the door, mourning bitterly with her head placed on the ground below. She didn’t even bother to acknowledge the man. He stood there confused.

“Ma’am, do you mind if I come in? There’s a deadly snowstorm approaching from the western mountains, the likes of which we’ve never seen before… could I possibly take shelter here till it passes by? I promise you, I won’t be much trouble and I’ll be on my way once the sky is a little clear…”

There was no response from her end. She just continued crying.

“Ma’am…” he tried calling out again as he stood on the threshold.

She barely even lifted her head. The floor beneath was soiled with her tears. He forgot all about the storm and his predicament. He only wished to comfort the distressed woman. He looked around the house and there was no firewood or food. He ventured out, gathered wood and hunted for food. He returned within an hour to find her in the same position. She hadn’t moved an inch. He was standing on the threshold. He tried speaking to her again,

“Ma’am, I have brought some firewood and food with me… we could use this and survive the harsh storm that is about to befall… please, say something” He crossed the threshold.

“I-I don’t care” she said, “I have nothing to live for…”

“That’s nonsense; you have everything to live for…”

“What do you know about me? Why do you care? I just want to die!”

“I know the world is a complete mess right now but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t live… that doesn’t mean we should give up on life…”

“Mess… that’s such a kind word to use for the deafening madness that has ensued… do other people suffer this way? Don’t the gods love us anymore?”

“The gods are testing our will. I know you have suffered much but don’t give up on life just yet…”

“And why shouldn’t I?”

She was still weeping. Eyes closed, she whispered through her faint voice, confiding in this stranger whose face she hadn’t even seen.

“My family was destroyed by the winter. Their conscience and morals grew as cold as the harsh winds that covered this land. My parents were driven insane by hunger and thirst… they killed people and began feeding on them to survive. It wasn’t long before my brother did the same to them. I couldn’t forgive him but I had no choice… as sibling we had to stick to each other. Soon after that, a group of scavengers burned down our house and almost killed my brother. We fled to this forest and managed to build this house. We had lost everything.”

“Where’s your brother now?” The man impatiently intervened.

“Two days ago, while hunting for food, he was torn to shreds by the wolves that lurk this forest…”

There was a painful silence that echoed through the hut… a gentle chill swept by which sent shivers down their spines. She continued to speak in a wavering voice filled with sorrow.

“I lost everything… maybe even I am destined to perish… I just want to die… I don’t care if the winter claims my soul, or the wolves hunt me down or even if you murder me in order to survive… it doesn’t matter anymore… I have nothing left… ”

“You haven’t lost everything… yes you’ve lost your family and your home but you still have one thing…”

“What is that?” her pale voice inquired.

“Your own life… you are still alive. You can lie here and wallow all you want and die miserably or you could just turn around, get up and try to survive… your parents did what they had to, to survive… your brother did what he had to… they all tried… shouldn’t you to do the same to honor their efforts and their memory?”

“What would you know of the way I feel? What would you know of the horrors I’ve seen? I’ve seen my own parents being murdered and eaten. I’ve seen my brother being torn limb to limb by hungry wolves. The pain that I have endured burdens my conscience and paints my world black… It hurts so much to be this lonely…” her whispering voice turned aggressive, “If you can address my suffering, the efforts of my kin so casually then you must have not endured what I have. You don’t deserve to tell me what to do!”

“I agree… I may have not suffered as much as you have… I may have not suffered at all but I would still urge you to fight on… you have so much life ahead of you. Yes the world is in chaos but we have to rise above it. There are darker days ahead but there will be light soon after that… we can’t give up on this life that was given to us… we must fight to preserve it…”

The woman clenched her fist, raised her head quivering with anger, turned around scornfully and said,

“leav…”

but she bit her tongue in astonishment when she saw the man. Her eyes began tearing up again. She contemplated everything she said.

“Wh-What happened to you?”

The man was bloody and bruised badly. The flesh on his body barely hung onto his bones. His one eye had been slashed never to open again. He had deep cuts from swords all over his body. There were wounds inflicted by animals as the fang marks ran deep enough to reveal his innards. His left arm was hacked off and he could barely stand. His legs were frostbitten, a piece of cloth barely kept him warm as he shivered uncontrollably. Yet he stood there with the firewood and food he collected for her in his condition. Yet he spoke so calmly. What courage, what power of will!

“This is the price I paid to live. My family too was taken from me. Some by men, some by their desires to feed and rape and some by the wolves in the forest… I haven’t eaten or slept for days but I can’t give up now… I must survive for my family, for the future generation and mostly, for myself.” He said as he exhaled heavily.

He was on the verge of collapsing but still maintained his conscience. His indomitable will reflected in his eye that burned with an unconquerable passion. She had never met anyone like him. Shivers ran throughout her body. She realized how small her suffering was compared to his. She resented the fact that she had spent days moping around in comfort while others like him have been struggling to live, hanging onto every inch of their lives.

“I-I’m sorry…” she said, “there’s a little food here that you can eat, I’ll get you a blanket and treat your wounds.”

“Thank you for your kindness”, he said as he finally collapsed.

She rushed to him. He was still alive just exhausted. She nursed him back to health as the snowstorm ushered in violent cold winds. The little hut remained secure between the two giant tree roots. The storm went on for days destroying everything around them. His wounds didn’t allow him to move much but he had a few tricks that kept them safe.

Every time she thought of giving up, she’d look at him and find courage. He had sparked a light of hope in her that wouldn’t burn down so easily. He inspired her to love her life just as he did his. He showed her, through his courage that there will be troubled times ahead. There is going to be darkness but we cannot give up and shut our eyes just because there is no light for us to see. Even in darkness, a faint glimmer can show us the way. Light always follows darkness and we must never give up till we see that light. He saw it in himself and through him she was able to see it too.

When the storm passed, everything was destroyed. The trees were covered in ice. The animals were all frozen. Somehow, their hut remained safe for seven days. They both were in a deep sleep only to be awoken by the warm rays of the sun that seeped in through their roof. The nightmare was over. They had survived. The hope that they believed in overcame all their sadness, their losses and their grief. Their hope and zeal for life protected them from the wrath of the gods. They named their hut ‘Livet’. They lived together and bore children while preparing for the next winter.

Sweet Hopeless Love

Love is a rancid emotion,
meant to cloud our judgment.
It distorts reality,
corrupting innocence.

Love is a strange illusion,
cast upon mortal beings,
to keep them blind,
ignorant of reality.

Love is suicidal,
pushing one into doing things;
Things so meaningless,
one would never do otherwise.

Love is contradiction,
a deranged propaganda.
Taught to one as a child,
to deviate them from the truth.

But in the end,
we all fall in love.
No matter how cold or strong,
we succumb to sweet hopeless love.

Lapis Lazuli

I wandered through the shining light,
grazing every grass that bent.
Bowing their heads in reverence,
to the vacant sky that stood still for a million years.

The cool wind passed silently,
ushering it’s constant grip on everything it touched,
like a long dream that never seemed to end,
trapped in a serpent’s belly.

Everything seemed so pleasant,
never ending joy, constant catharsis,
this unimaginable overload of happiness
had rendered it meaningless.

This bliss, this pleasure, the ecstacy,
the harmony and all the satisfaction of the world,
what was suffering?
It’s something I had never heard.

Then came the night,
when even trees turned their backs on you.
The eerie glimpse of ravens flying,
and the shadows that showed no sign of mercy.

I stumbled upon a rock,
Falling into a deep, dark, never ending abyss.
It swallowed me, like Dionysus’ last cup of vine,
the happiness and sunshine were over.

I kept going deeper till hunger and thirst took their toll.
The pressure tore my skin apart.
This fragile human body that once stood proud,
was nothing but bruised and broken.

The days passed in a blur,
haunting memories echoed like songs of the sirens.
The darkness turned me cold and bitter,
like Medusa’s wicked gaze turning all to stone.

I wanted to ask Athena all the reasons I could conjure.
Why do men suffer, why do men fall so deep?
Why don’t they ever return like the prodigal son?
Why are they never the same when do?

When I hit the cold hard bottom,
there was nothing much there to see.
Barren rocky lands, black flames on charred trees,
skies shooting blinding violet lightening.

I dragged my feet like ploughs through the ground.
My mouth was dryer than a desert,
stomach emptier than a liar’s words,
mind as blank as the shadow that walked beside me.

I closed my eyes, the only thing I could do,
while flashbacks turned into distant cries.
Space and time whirled as one into chaos.
Then it all became clear like thick crystals of meth.

The outcome of all fact and reason,
is the choice and decisions of voices that dwell in shadows.
Like Daedalus’ epic tragedy,
when his son got too close to the sun.

We’re never too happy with what we have,
like greedy heathens we often seek more.
We must suffer in order to know pain,
for pain connects us to each other with ethereal threads.

I realized it as a flash of light pierced my forehead,
enlightening me beyond my age.
I knew now why men suffer, why they fall,
It’s only so they learn to rise again.

When my eyes opened from their deep sleep,
before me there was nothing.
Like a painting that was whitewashed with black,
I had given myself a second chance and a new world to build.

Pushing Daisies

It was a never ending cycle,
like the wheels of a wheelchair,
slowly spinning, dragging the inevitable
through false fixtures of movement.

The world was so misguided,
measuring everything in dualities.
Pain and comfort, happiness and sorrow,
pulling in, pushing forth.
Love and hate, darkness and light,
it was a tug of war for gratification.

Silent echoes raged on,
grasping everything in its reach.
Yet, the deaf misjudged,
and the able turned a deaf ear.

It raged on and on forever,
while canonical hypocrites and bigots
lured broken, weak-willed men,
with empty promises and pipe dreams.

Spitting on the faces they claimed to worship,
sitting on a pot of gold like a leprechaun,
where the rainbow ended,
it was spring in hell.

The puppet show went on,
people clapped, for days and years on end,
never realizing their lack of insight,
never knowing they were the puppets,
the puppets they saw were illusions
their puppeteer was a thought,
a figment of their crippled imagination.

They wavered like a torn piece of paper,
through violent winds.
No control, no judgment, no remorse,
no guided actions and no shame.

There were no dualities,
There were no gods guiding this mortal plane.
It was just us,
pushing daisies to block out the shining sun.

Cold Endless Void

There was a time,
so long ago,
The labyrinths of my mind,
were dusk and hollow.

The land was barren,
trees all dead.
No flowers bloomed,
foul odor and gloom.

Hatred flowed free,
in my veins.
Like red molten lava,
growing budding pain.

Then she came,
dressed in white.
With every step,
radiance spread.

With every divine touch,
my world had changed.
Trees bore fruit,
the rivers flowed clean.

Hatred vanished,
as love enchanted my dreams.
With every sweet kiss,
my soul was redeemed.

Just as she had come,
she had left.
With her,
so did everything else.

The trees blackened,
the ray of light vanished.
Flowers withered,
the rivers tarnished.

The labyrinths caved in,
falling from grace.
The fire of Hades,
reflected my hate

It was relentless,
all turned grey.
Fimbulvetr,
was set in play.

Floating alone,
all hope destroyed.
Falling apart,
in a cold endless void.

I Know The Pieces Fit

Do you know that feeling you get when you’re holding your lover’s hand, standing on an open lush green field after a stormy day, raising them together up to the clear sky as the bright rays of the shining sun sanctify your bond which is so pure and so true. It’s the desire that every person dreams of when they close their eyes. Isn’t it funny how another person’s hand perfectly fits yours? It’s like the pieces of a puzzle fitting perfectly, tightly and so beautifully… like it was meant to be.

Isn’t it strange how we can stare into each other’s eyes and yet not know what’s going on in each other’s mind? It makes me wonder why we hurt each other. It makes me ponder over the decades of years we as humans have spent killing, conquering and ending cultures which held so much of spiritual and relevant knowledge. We’ve filled our own bellies with tons of delicious food, meaningless entertainment, useless fashion and mundane work routines while some of us rot without even the basic amenities of life. Isn’t it strange for humans, who are so similar in so many ways, to just ignore those dying on the streets, those being raped in the open and behind closed doors, those who beg to be accepted and understood, and those who writhe in pain? Is it the lack of empathy, knowledge or understanding? Was this how it was meant to be?

We speak of unity when talking about the strength of a country as a whole while the innards deteriorate with discrimination. We speak of unity among one culture or religion while we fail to understand that the feeling of unity must come from within and must be directed towards each other and not one group to fight another. We are all like pieces of a puzzle, destined to be together, yet it is the biases taught to us that keep us from mingling with each other. The poor never talk to the rich and the rich never interact with the poor. The intellectuals would rather boast about their knowledge than spread it to those who are ignorant. We speak about making the world a better place with technology while our own human minds are shoulder deep within prejudice and bigotry. Why did it come to this?

We all have two eyes, one nose, one mouth, two hands, two legs… we are the same species. We are the pieces to the same puzzle. Imagine the entire world like a human body and us being the cells and the organs that make it function. If an organ malfunctions, so does the entire body. For the body to work normally, all the cells and organs must be in complete sync with each other. Without sync, without being aligned, the body will die a painful death… that’s a fact! It’s the same with this world. To make the world function effectively and healthily, we all need to act as one. We need to evolve into one being, we all need to be connected without all these biases, these prejudices and silly discriminations based on race, caste, class, religion, nationality, color and gender governing the better angels of our nature.

Imagine everyone in the world holding hands in a lush green field with fingers tightly clasped together, hands raised up to the sky as the Earth, the Sun, the stars, the moon and the entire universe sanctify the bond we share as humans… that’s when you know you have made it to the next step of human evolution. That would be an indescribable feeling, something which no one has experienced before… the energy itself will be ethereal.  I know it is possible for us to work as one only if we try. We have that capacity and capability embedded into our genetic system. Somewhere deep down, we know it. I believe in it because I know the pieces fit.

Nonsense

Dreamy dreamy eyes,
the ones one could get lost in.
The uncertain look,
that could vex every dream

My senses collide,
almost like I died.
Every thought of you,
Eats me alive.

Like the siren,
that sings an enchanting serenade.
The sound of your voice,
became my requiem.

My senses fade,
slowly eaten away.
Every sight of you,
makes me go insane.

The dreams go on,
rusting the mind.
Can’t sleep at night,
everything falls apart.

No sense to spare,
my fate is sealed.
Then I see your face,
it all comes back to me.