What is Life?

What is life? What is its purpose? Who am I? Do I belong here? These questions seem so redundant now. It’s like they’ve outgrown their existence and yet at the end of the day when we come back to the comforting arms of a bed we are compelled to kneel in helplessness before them. I’ve known people who have beaten themselves senseless while trying to answer these questions but for me they hold no relevance. Going by the notion that each one’s perception is different and each one lives life according to what they’ve learned, then I already have the answers I need. Even if these answers are merely illusions, it does not matter.

So what exactly is life? A human’s life is nothing more than an uneven mix of reality and illusion. We all live in illusions and give meaning to things in our own way. One person’s reality is another person’s illusion. We keep running helter-skelter, clinging to our lives and blatantly judging without knowing anything at all. We have notions of ourselves in our heads but that is not how we are perceived by those around us. We create personas and act them out every day. Either we live in an illusion in our heads or we create one and show that to the people around us. Then we die a slow and confused death without knowing ourselves or those around us. Reality on the other hand is completely different. It is so full of pain, misery, disappointments and emptiness that we create illusions to counter it. This gives rise to contradictions but contradictions are a part of our system. There is no sole truth and there is no sole lie. Everything is interconnected. When you choose to love, you run the risk of hatred. When you say you are just, you deem everything else as unjust. When you say you are truthful, you deem others as liars. The concept of winners is what created losers. We’re the only species foolish enough to wage wars in order to create peace. We’re still taking lives and then we have the audacity to hide behind a veil and call ourselves moral. We’re still sacrificing other people in order to build what we think will bring peace. Conflict is in our nature as humans. As a whole, there will always be contradictions to life. When you choose a side and pick qualities that suit you, you deny everything else that constitutes you. You deny the dark, mangled desires and conceal them with a smile and make up. Just because you don’t show it or deny it that doesn’t mean it isn’t a part of you. Just remember that life isn’t absolute. If anything, it is fickle.

Life may not have any meaning at all. To give it meaning, we create purpose. These purposes are personal but the purpose of life itself is ambiguous. No one knows what life’s purpose is. So we give it our own meaning and see it through till the bitter end. What’s the point of purpose? What’s the point of goals? Even if life had a purpose, it would eventually end in death. The only certainty life offers you is death. Even discussing the purpose of life is rather futile as we develop our own meanings and our own conclusions. Going with this notion, life maybe nothing. Even we, as individuals, at our core, are nothing.

Ever asked yourself the question, “who am I?” It’s difficult to answer and those who are quick to reply haven’t really contemplated the depths of it. Every tiny fabric of our being, our own core, all our thoughts, assumptions and beliefs if broken down through rigorous questioning will all have the same answer – Nothing! But we never accept ‘nothing’ because we perceive it as an end and not a beginning. Remember that when you are nothing, you are free to be anything.

The way we perceive life, the way we understand and live it is what creates discord because we live with our own notions of how it ought to be. There can never be complete understanding between individuals. Everyone has their differences. As long as you live, you will always be connected to these nexuses of contradictions, to people, to their baggage, to their justifications and their governance. There is no absolute freedom. There are no liberties. You can’t always live life on your own terms. It is what creates anxieties and suffering. The only way to be truly free is to sever these nexuses and accept death as redemption.

The Snake

In deep dark turmoil
Beaten, battered and broken
The snake sheds his skin

Overcome

I tried to scale,
a mountain so high.
With courage and strength,
but it would always deny.

No matter how hard I tried,
to reach the top.
My efforts fell to vain,
to the bottom I would drop.

Maybe I was too weak,
to fulfill its desire.
Maybe I couldn’t sacrifice,
my mind in the fire.

I never gave up,
till push came to shove.
Beaten, battered and bruised,
I received a gift from above.

I held on to my darkness,
as it coursed through my veins.
Consuming me,
getting stronger from all my pains.

In one fell swoop,
the mountain was shattered.
I destroyed what I yearned,
to gain things that mattered.

Behind the remains,
I saw you dressed in black.
Walking towards me,
filling me with things I lack.

You sealed me with a kiss,
and then disappeared.
I hold on to your memories,
till the time you’ll reappear.

On my knees at the ruins,
all this meant nothing at all.
If in the end,
it was me who had to fall.

Yet, I hold on,
waiting for dreams of tomorrow,
to come and vanquish,
all this bitter sorrow.

Exile

Staring through the windows,
of the house I once called mine.
It’s cold outside,
I wish I could cross this borderline.

Warm arms yearn to greet,
an embrace I cannot hold.
Bitter circumstances divide,
the promises once told.

The communion crumbles,
like snowflakes in winter.
Cold mountains divide the abode,
that I wish to enter.

Silence takes its toll,
the mind falls to relentless gloom.
Like a sacrifice in a volcano,
walking to its doom.

Hazel gazes run deep,
circled with a ring of black.
So many unsaid vows,
to fulfill all that I lack.

Fairy dreams are distant,
the brass ring is out of reach.
Hope lays dormant,
as memories begin to screech.

The echoes get louder,
the future grows bleak.
The hand wishes to rest,
on that compassionate cheek.

Cracked lips ache to caress,
the blissful divinity of the one.
Eternal, immortal,
but to cruel fate we must succumb.

All the cherished moments,
embedded deep in thoughts,
unable to forget the expressions,
connected by those alluring dots.

The subconscious wanders,
the longing turns to days.
Months fall like wounded soldiers,
unable to see beyond this haze.

Maybe spring will come soon,
or Fimbulvetr will consume the soul.
Although three words retire,
my home is in the depths of that black hole.

Time is a wicked wretch,
an enemy of age and bliss.
For the lack of a better world,
this beloved home I’ll always miss.

Meandering through emptiness,
darkness takes its toll.
Falling to nothingness,
swallowing me whole.

The vacant spaces close,
within the hollows that entwine,
and I walk like a nightmare,
living on borrowed time.

Veil

I saw you through bloodshot eyes,
and dissipating smoke rings.
A blurry vision of yesterday,
clouded by doubt and uncertainty.

Distant echoes of your voice,
mixed with unjust, lacerated truths,
and faint glimpses of tomorrow,
bury themselves in the cuts on my skin.

This predicament lies embalmed,
with helpless plastered delusions,
distorted notions of self,
chained with better hope.

Hope gives way to doom,
like summer to winter,
improvement to destruction,
innocence to intoxication.

My veins bleed acid,
the wounds fester like a curse.
Bruised and battered,
a hollow lump beats uncontrollably.

Wide eyed, I stand before you,
with wild glossy gazes,
torn lips that barely move,
for a tongue as sharp as a knife.

My shivering, crippled hands,
touch  warmth for the last time,
as distant memories gush in,
reminding me why dreams end in tears.

I conceal it all,
my mangled, beaten form,
when I see and hold you,
hiding it behind a white crystalline smile.

Concord

Free spirited and boundless,
like the stars that paint the sky.
They held each other’s hand,
as they gazed into each other’s eye.

They became inseparable,
like two shadows in the dark.
With hopes of fulfilling their goals,
together they’d embark.

Nothing could stop them,
neither space nor time.
Neither the sound of a gong,
or the ancient’s chime.

Fulfilling each other,
like none had before.
Holding on to each other,
simply wanting more.

Desire became downfall,
the union would come to cease.
In the wake of uncertainty,
consuming it like a disease.

They were grazed by wind before,
and had toyed with fire.
All the vacant memories withered,
for they could not inspire.

The union became the void,
hollow, empty and cold.
A wishing well of fantasies,
where new worlds would now unfold.

Referendum

Would you cut a finger,
to save your whole hand?
Would you kill one man,
to acquire a piece of land?

Would you tarnish your name,
to guide a million fools?
Would you lay down,
and be used like a box of tools?

Would you succumb,
to the vicissitudes of fate?
Would you breakaway,
or stay till it’s too late?

Would you standby,
or fight this endless war?
Would you be the guiding voice,
or one with the uproar?

Would you do,
the things that need to be done?
Would you be afraid,
of the horrors yet to come?

Would you stand your ground,
or turn tail and run?
Would you writhe in darkness,
or seek comfort in the sun?

Would you sacrifice,
all that you love and hold dear?
Would you face adversity,
or crumble before fear?

Would you walk with the crowd,
or run on your own?
Would you probe and question,
or take the path that’s shown?

Would you sit back and relax,
or keep going ahead?
Would you confront injustice,
or whimper in your bed?

Would you step on broken glass,
dragging your feet,
till the blood poured,
till you helplessly bleed?

The choices are yours,
success or damnation.
For the only way to victory,
is relentless determination.

Alright

Life didn’t make sense,
the world was crumbling down.
Smiles had withered,
replaced with a frown.

Friends were all distanced,
lovers walked away.
Family tree burned down,
as the conscience went astray.

The end of the bottle,
bore no fruitful answer.
Questions piled over,
anxiety grew like cancer.

Alone in the void,
like a traveler in a distant land.
Falling into the abyss,
with none to hold the hand.

The bones grew hollow,
all efforts turned to vain.
There was nothing left to lose,
yet, nothing left to gain.

Desolated in anguish,
grief tightly gripped the heart.
In loneliness and despair,
it all slowly fell apart.

Finally, the mind spoke,
but there was nothing left to say.
For I heard the voice that said,
“It’s still okay!”

Misled

Follow that one voice,
from a million echoes.
For it doesn’t hide in shadows,
but smiles and comforts.

It greets you,
with warm welcoming arms,
reminding you of days gone by,
and how things were.

You begin to ponder,
lost in deep thought,
like a blind man,
in a gargantuan labyrinth.

The voice consumes you,
swallowing your conscience,
eating your heart,
with poisoned fingers.

You shiver in the cold,
like a beggar in winter.
Your demons arrest you,
as you plead before insecurity.

The voice gets louder,
building a monastery of lies.
Pushing them on your tongue,
as you spit excuses.

Who are you?
Why did you follow that voice?
The voice that condemns,
the voice of fear.

Why did you wander?
Your love never went astray.
It was you all along,
that you chose to betray.

Hysteria

In the darkness of my conscience,
where it gets too hard to see.
I laid withered,
what had I come to be?

The ground was restless,
quivering with uncertainty.
Consumed by the void,
distorted notions of apathy.

The silence had purpose,
there was a storm in solitude.
This hell was my fate,
for it is my fortitude.

I walked through it,
consumed by the shade.
Somewhere deep in there,
my conscience began to fade.

This was redemption,
yet the voice had left my soul.
Breaking what was left of me,
tearing me whole.

The light was gone,
the void was all I had.
Every inch of conscience gone,
my turmoil had driven me mad.